3 Habits That Make Me Less Stressed

Let me just come right out and say that I know that being a college student isn't the most stressful thing in the world, by far. I'm not the president or dependent on a paycheck or trying to support a family. But...sometimes it feels crazy stressful. 

I bet all of you know what I'm talking about, whether you're in a career or you're a mom or a student like me. Life doesn't really spare anyone from stress. Really though, I've come to believe that some stress is a good thing. Stress makes me work hard + it pushed me to stay on top of things. But...stress can also be rough on our mental health when we have more than we can manage. 

I use these three habits to help manage my stress levels.

Every day (or most days, at least), there are a couple different things that I do that help me keep that stress + anxiety in check so that I can control it instead of allowing it to control me. 

The first thing that I do is that I clean my room every night. (Mom, if you're reading this, be proud.) I don't make things perfect; sometimes I leave things out on my desk or floor. But I at least try to do the basics. I'll pick up any clothes from the bathroom floor and tidy up my desk and floor for five or ten minutes. I've found that cleaning a little bit each night keeps things from getting totally out of control. Plus, if I don't clean my room at night, I actually get a little bit stressed out when I wake up in the morning and look around me room. Physical clutter can definitely feel like mental clutter. 

Secondly, I'm totally shameless about telling people 'no'. Whether it's someone asking to go out or someone asking for a favor, I really try to focus on my priorities + cut out the things that just...aren't. There's a great book called The Best Yes that talks a lot about this idea. The author, Lysa TerKeurst, teaches that we only have so much time + attention to give out. Eventually, our reserves will run out if we don't prioritize what we spend them on. My favorite idea from the book is that if we say yes to everything that comes our way, we won't be able to say yes to some really great opportunities that come later, aka the best yes. 

And lastly, I try to make sure that every single day, I do something that makes me happy. It's as simply as that. Sometimes I get lazy + other than studying or working, all I do is watch Netflix. But as much as I like Netflix, it doesn't fill up my happiness tank. That requires a little more intention. Usually, I try to read a book or journal or find some new music or cook something new every day. 

How do you control your stress levels?

12 Days of Love Letters

For someone who spends an unfortunately significant amount of time on the computer, largely blogging and such, I really do love returning to the simple art of letter writing. Growing up, my mom was always a huge believer that thank you notes should be written as soon as possible after birthday parties and such + I think that was the beginning of letter writing for me.

When H and I started dating in high school, I would spent summers on the other side of the country + we started writing letters. It did feel silly sometimes, half of the time we told each other the news in the letter before the letter even got there. 

But the more letters we wrote, the more special they became for me (and hopefully him as well!). I loved getting to see his handwriting and the way he leaves out apostrophes and the dots on his 'i's sometimes. We started doodling--he would draw me jellyfish or funny stick figures and I would try to write our names and addresses in a pretty way. He experimented with different fountain pens and I always love picking out fun cards and stationery. All those little details made our letters more special than just a conversation over text or on the phone. They were gifts, and they became mementos that I still save in a shoebox under my bed.

Just in the past year or two, I've gotten to expand the way I write letters. I started writing letters to my grandmother and my friends at other schools. I sometimes just write notes to friends here with me, just for fun. But one of my favorite letter-related activities is writing letters responding to the requests on MoreLoveLetters.com.

Every two weeks, a few new requests are posted on the website--people of all ages and backgrounds who for whatever reason, need encouragement. They might be recently widowed elderly women or young teenagers dealing with struggles of growing up. But wherever they are in their lives, they could use a little extra encouragement, in the form of a letter from a stranger.

This month, in honor of the holiday season, MLL has been hosting a campaign called 12 Days of Letter Writing. Instead of every two weeks, there is a new request up every single day of someone who really needs that extra support during the Christmas season. I encourage you to read through the requests and choose one (or more!) that resonates with you and take five minutes to send that person a card or a letter. It doesn't have to be fancy--notebook paper is fine!

I chose to write a letter to Vincent, the recipient from Day 1 (though you can still go back at write him!). You can go read his story a little more on the requests page, but in short, Vincent recently lost his wife to postpartum depression, just a short time after the birth of their first child. This year is Vincent's first Christmas without his wife, raising a child on his own. 

I could honestly go on and on about why you should join in on this campaign, but I think you probably understand why this is such an important thing. Lately, I've been trying to focus on giving my attention and my care to other people, even more than gifts or money, this holiday season. I hope you'll do the same.

Let me know if you end up writing a letter to one of the requests or if you have any questions about More Love Letters!

How I'm Choosing to Reframe My Failures

In the past, I never would have called myself a perfectionist. Especially in high school, I was pretty successful, quite honestly, in most of the things I did. As a result, I never had to worry or stress out about messing something up. I'm not sure when exactly that changed, when I stopped forgiving myself for getting a B or taking a lazy day. But I did, and it's changed the way I treat myself.

Sometimes, we need to be real with ourselves about our failures. We can't ignore our mistakes. But at the same time, if we dwell on our mistakes so long that we don't let ourselves fix them...we're only hurting ourselves more. That's what I've been doing lately. I've been beating myself up for anything less than perfection so much that I don't have the energy left to pick myself back up and keep going.

I know some of you probably understand this feeling--especially in finals week, when emotions run high and the threat of failure is sitting in the back of our brain just reminding us that it's a possibility. With all that fear of failure, it's easy to feel like any mistake or flaw is the one that will end it all and make it impossible for us to get back on our path of success. You feel me on this? Like if I spend an hour watching TV when I should be studying, then all of a sudden, I'm telling myself that I'm not a discliplined person, that I'm not going to do well, that I don't have what it takes to have success in life.

That's just not true, none of it.

There are a few things that I've been telling myself instead.

I heard an analogy on Gretchen Ruben's podcast "Happier". On it, she (or someone else, I can't remember) compared our own failures to a chef trying out a new recipe. If a chef, even the most skilled chef in the world, wants to try a new dish, chances are, he or she will try it many times. Cooking it different ways. Trying new ingredients. Plating it differently each time. Every time the chef starts again, they are nixing the last dish they made. But...we wouldn't call that a failure, would we? Because it's a necessary and natural step of the path to making a delicious, new dish.

And it's really the same for us. If we reframe the way we look at our mistakes and failures, we can keep them from stopping us. This is my goal now. Instead of my own mental mistreatment, I try to turn things around and even if I don't believe them at first, repeating these things until I do take them as truth.

Failing means I challenged myself.

Failing means I attempted something above mediocre.

Failure gives me a chance to pick myself up and try again, doing a little better each time.

Failure doesn't not mean I won't succeed in the future.

Failure is teaching me humility and perseverance.

Failure is building a more resilient spirit inside me.

Failure makes the victories all the more triumphant.

Every time I go through this list, a different phrase will resonate with me, and it's probably the same for you. I've been writing them down on a physical piece of paper and posting them right above my desk, because those failures will inevitable continue to come.

How do you deal with feeling like you've failed yourself?

Self-Care Solutions

I was just about to start off this post by saying it's been a busy week...but when is it not a busy week, am I right? Maybe it's just this time of year or this time in my life, but there are so many things in my life that I have to do and so many things that I want to do and it all just kind of adds up. 

And when I'm really busy--even when I'm busy with good things--I've learned that I don't take time to deal with my emotions, whether they're positive or negative. I just keep plugging along, getting things done, checking things off. Which is fine...for a little while. But if I keep up that sort of pattern, eventually, every stress or worry or little hurt that I've bottled up comes out and I have a meltdown because I can't connect to the wifi. 

You know what I mean?

But I actually know how to avoid those meltdowns. I do (the problem is that I don't always do it...)! 

SELF-CARE. That's right, spoil yourself a little. In the middle of everything busy and stressful, I absolutely have to take a break and love on myself a little. 

For awhile, I thought that I didn't have time for self-care, that I was just too busy. But over the last few months especially, I've noticed that when I skip out on taking care of myself, I tend to have those meltdowns or work inefficiently or feel tired and I actually lose time in the long run by not taking breaks. Crazy, right?! Here are a few ways that I like to practice self-care. 

COOK A DECENT MEAL / This one is actually two-fold in its benefits. First off, even though I'm not really a natural at it, I do enjoy cooking. It's very satisfying for me to see a meal come together (and then get to eat it!). But also, it does good for my physical wellbeing too. When I cook food from scratch, I'm so much more likely to make healthy food that I enjoy instead of something unhealthy but convenient. And when I eat healthy food, I feel happy with my choice and I feel physically better in the long run. 

TAKE A NAP / We all know this one, but you have to be careful to do it the right way. Really, a nap longer than twenty or thirty minutes may be doing you more harm than good, especially if it makes you stay up later and messes up your sleep schedule. But on some days, you just need to reboot your day and pretend to start from scratch. On those days, I'll get in bed, put a sleep mask and rain sounds on and set my alarm for 15-25 minutes. It usually refreshes me pretty well + I don't feel groggy!

SPEND TIME WITH A FRIEND / Says the introvert! Well, one on one at least. When I need a break, I might venture out into the living room and find one of my roommates and have a little chat, or I might call H and see how his day is going. To some extent, we can totally care for ourselves by caring about other people.

SPEND TIME IN THE SCRIPTURES / This is definitely something I've been struggling with. But I know that when I make Scripture a priority, I'm that much more prepared to love on myself all day, as well as everyone around me. Scripture is valuable for so many reasons, but one is that it always reminds me of my own value in God's eyes.

DO SOMETHING LAZY / This isn't always the best option as sometimes less lazy options of hobbies (like exercise or doing a fun activity) can be more fulfilling even if they require a little effort. But sometimes, you just need to take a long bath or watch some Netflix or noodle the internet. I think it's really important to consider what sounds the absolute best to you at a given time, not just what sounds the easiest. 

What do you do to take care of yourself?

Linking up with In Its Time.

Grateful Heart

Grateful Heart was a series that I started nearly a year ago...and then promptly forgot about it! My goal is to bring it back on a monthly-ish basis. The goal of this series is to take time to consciously + publicly acknowledge all the crazy blessings in my life that I might otherwise overlook. Feel free to join me!

The last few weeks have been hard, especially being sick. It's been about two weeks now since I got sick and I still don't totally feel back to 100%. Because of that, I've missed some classes, I've been hoooorribly unproductive (which is the WORST feeling ever for me) and as a result of that, been very frustrated and unkind to myself. It's been kind of an icky cycle. But these are the times that I know it's so good to reframe my perspective and remind myself of all the good things in my life.

+H visiting me a few weeks ago was so nice. I know this might not count because it was a few weeks ago, but whatever, I'm still grateful for it. He was with me for like five whole days, which is a longer stretch than we've seen each other pretty much since May. Long-distance is hard--more because I forget how much I love him and it's easier to slide into apathy than keep that love alive, so any time in person together is just wonderful.

+ I'm auditioning for a new format of fitness classes + I'm very excited! I've only been to a few step aerobics classes due to the times they're available so it's really a long shot that I'll be hired to teach it, but for now, it's been a fun project to keep me exercising and busy. But, side note, if you've never been to step class or think it's just for menopausal women, you're so wrong. It's really quite entertaining, I think + actually has some really complex patterns that are fun to learn.

+ My health when I have it. Health is definitely one of those things that is soooo easy to take for granted. Literally every time I get sick, I'll be lying in bed, not being able to breathe out of at least one of my nostrils and I'll be wondering how I ever went a day without thanking God for letting me breathe through my nose. Seriously. 

+ My big! A few weeks ago in my sorority, we had big/little reveal and I found out who my big sister is! In all honesty, she was exactly who I hoped would be my big, but I didn't think that I had gotten her, so I was thrilled! She has such a kind and caring heart and I can't wait to spend more time with her. 

What are you grateful for these days? 

How to Make Your Twitter Feed a Source of Positivity

Over the last year or two, I've really wanted to pare down on my social media usage. For myself personally, I really only use Facebook and Pinterest--and even with Facebook, I don't enjoy using it, I just feel like I can't get rid of it since it's used so much in college for group pages and events.

But for this blog, especially over the last six months, I've really really used social media sparingly. I shut down the facebook for this blog, because I hated it. I stopped scheduling tweets, because I hated it (do we see a pattern here?). And I even stopped reading twitter very often because I was just tired of reading the same old "click my link here!" and sassy complaints and political rants. 

But I'm trying to remind myself that it doesn't have to be that way. If I don't like my twitter feed, I can change it. Crazy idea, right? So today, I wanted to share a few ways that I'm doing that in case any of you want to join me in my journey to make social media a little more human and a little more happy. 

#1 Set an example in your own tweets.

Take a moment and think about the kinds of words you would like to see on Twitter. Kind, honest, genuine words. Self-promotion that (when necessary) feels real, not rehearsed and scheduled. Now, take a moment and reconsider how you tweet. Do you complain on twitter when something goes wrong in your life? (I do.) Do you rant when something isn't working? (Guilty.) By staying kind and positive towards other people on social media, we're teaching people how we should be treated as well.

#2 Unfollow any account that makes you feel any less than stellar. 

Do I need to elaborate on this? If someone is constantly complaining, putting other people down, bashing other people/opinions/views/personalities/etc, UNFOLLOW THEM. Their attitude is not worth listening to. 

#3 Follow accounts that add to a positive mindset.

On the flip side of number two, consciously seek out the accounts and the people that lift you up and help you keep an optimistic attitude. There are tons of "posi" accounts that are super cheesy, but never fail to make me smile! Also consider: your favorite comedian.

A few exerpts from my favorite positive Twitter acounts:

@be_bona_fide

How do you achieve a #grateful 💛 in the midst of heartache? #begrateful #bebonafide #choosehappiness pic.twitter.com/DzlQ1DhcZG

— Be BONA•FIDE (@be_bona_fide) August 18, 2015

@peachy_peachh

health break: go on a light jog outside, drink a tall glass of water, & take a few minutes to rest your mind

— peachy peach (@peachy_peachh) September 2, 2015

@happyasheck

negative thoughts are like that little kid on the playground that picks on u. if u ignore them, they go away.

— rad positivity (@HAPPYASHECK) August 27, 2015

@smileyshrub

this is very very important pic.twitter.com/89Tqtq3Ccn

— Smiley Shrub ☻ (@smileyshrub) July 22, 2015

@fireworkpeople

You are one incredible woman. Thought you should know.

— FIREWORKPEOPLE (@FIREWORKPEOPLE) September 3, 2015

Any others to add? How do you make your Twitter feed more positive?

Learning to Socialize as an Introvert

I've always been an introvert, but it's only been the last few years where I've really felt like being an introvert has kept me from doing all the things I want to do. Especially now that I've been to college and had to make new friends, I'm seeing that. It's one thing to accept that I'm not naturally a super outgoing person and it's another thing to stay home all day because of that.

This was part of the reason that I've decided to rush, this fall, as a sophomore. I was always afraid of going through rush, especially not knowing anyone. But it kinda sucks to be afraid all the time, you know? 

So here we are, with me, three days before rush starts, sitting in my room in my pajamas googling how to survive parties as an extrovert. Thankfully, there are apparently other people out there like me and lots of tips out there. So I've been collecting them + I'm sharing here a few that have been helping me lately.

+ Do not pretend to be an extrovert. Oh thank the Lord. There was no way I was going to do that successfully anyways. This tip was super relieving to hear but also to realize that it's totally true. Tons of people are introverts and they want friends too. I can be myself and still socialize with other people, especially since they might be just like me.

+ Focus on your strengths. While I may not be the chattiest gal around, I'm happy to listen to other people and ask prodding questions here and there to keep them going. My strategy is to try my best to ask really open-ended questions and show people that I'm interested.

+ Give yourself breaks, but like without spending the whole night in the ladies' room. But spending a few minutes alone here and there to take some deep-lung breaths can only help (as long as you get back out there!). This is not an excuse to drop off the face of the earth.

+ Consciously recharge afterwards. Sadly, Netflix doesn't usually count. It might be meditating or reading or going for a run or praying, but something that helps you deeeeeply relax.

If you're an introvert, how do you successfully socialize and spend time with others? Also, pray for me this week. It's a LOT of social time.

The Importance of Hearing People's Stories

 

I am not a good listener. 

I admit that. It's definitely one of my weaknesses. Someone can be telling me their deep thoughts and I'll be thinking about what I want for lunch. It's bad, I know. 

A lot of times, I don't even realize what I'm missing out on. I assume everyone is just like me and that no one has anything new to say. But we all know that's not true. 

This past week, I've been working on training some new staff members so that the shop isn't short-staffed when I leave later this week. And I really did not want to do that. I have spent years figuring out how to do my job well and though it's crazy hard sometimes, I love my job. I'm good at it. I don't like feeling like my years of experience can be condensed into a few short training sessions with new staff members.

Unfortunately, I probably let that attitude show a little bit. I tried to hide it, but these two new ladies might have seen right through me. I didn't want them there. 

But then last night, I spent some time talking with one of the new ladies. She's older. She's well-educated. So why is she taking a temporary job at an ice cream shop? As it turns out, this woman has had a roller coaster of a few years. She spent her whole life in a certain group of people and a few years ago, realized that everything she had based her life on was wrong. But she courageously cut ties with those people...and lost everything in the process. 

Her story is not mine to tell, but I more want to share how hearing her story affected me. I realized that (of course!), she was not at the shop to make more work for me or undermine my work. Of course. She was only trying to make ends meet. 

By hearing her story, I was able to break outside my selfish little bubble and have new compassion for people in my life. Her story gave me so much hope and inspired me to live as courageously as she is, following what I know to be true even if it costs me everything I have. 

Have you ever had a time when hearing someone's story made you treat them differently? Made you different?