3 Habits That Make Me Less Stressed

Let me just come right out and say that I know that being a college student isn't the most stressful thing in the world, by far. I'm not the president or dependent on a paycheck or trying to support a family. But...sometimes it feels crazy stressful. 

I bet all of you know what I'm talking about, whether you're in a career or you're a mom or a student like me. Life doesn't really spare anyone from stress. Really though, I've come to believe that some stress is a good thing. Stress makes me work hard + it pushed me to stay on top of things. But...stress can also be rough on our mental health when we have more than we can manage. 

I use these three habits to help manage my stress levels.

Every day (or most days, at least), there are a couple different things that I do that help me keep that stress + anxiety in check so that I can control it instead of allowing it to control me. 

The first thing that I do is that I clean my room every night. (Mom, if you're reading this, be proud.) I don't make things perfect; sometimes I leave things out on my desk or floor. But I at least try to do the basics. I'll pick up any clothes from the bathroom floor and tidy up my desk and floor for five or ten minutes. I've found that cleaning a little bit each night keeps things from getting totally out of control. Plus, if I don't clean my room at night, I actually get a little bit stressed out when I wake up in the morning and look around me room. Physical clutter can definitely feel like mental clutter. 

Secondly, I'm totally shameless about telling people 'no'. Whether it's someone asking to go out or someone asking for a favor, I really try to focus on my priorities + cut out the things that just...aren't. There's a great book called The Best Yes that talks a lot about this idea. The author, Lysa TerKeurst, teaches that we only have so much time + attention to give out. Eventually, our reserves will run out if we don't prioritize what we spend them on. My favorite idea from the book is that if we say yes to everything that comes our way, we won't be able to say yes to some really great opportunities that come later, aka the best yes. 

And lastly, I try to make sure that every single day, I do something that makes me happy. It's as simply as that. Sometimes I get lazy + other than studying or working, all I do is watch Netflix. But as much as I like Netflix, it doesn't fill up my happiness tank. That requires a little more intention. Usually, I try to read a book or journal or find some new music or cook something new every day. 

How do you control your stress levels?

12 Days of Love Letters

For someone who spends an unfortunately significant amount of time on the computer, largely blogging and such, I really do love returning to the simple art of letter writing. Growing up, my mom was always a huge believer that thank you notes should be written as soon as possible after birthday parties and such + I think that was the beginning of letter writing for me.

When H and I started dating in high school, I would spent summers on the other side of the country + we started writing letters. It did feel silly sometimes, half of the time we told each other the news in the letter before the letter even got there. 

But the more letters we wrote, the more special they became for me (and hopefully him as well!). I loved getting to see his handwriting and the way he leaves out apostrophes and the dots on his 'i's sometimes. We started doodling--he would draw me jellyfish or funny stick figures and I would try to write our names and addresses in a pretty way. He experimented with different fountain pens and I always love picking out fun cards and stationery. All those little details made our letters more special than just a conversation over text or on the phone. They were gifts, and they became mementos that I still save in a shoebox under my bed.

Just in the past year or two, I've gotten to expand the way I write letters. I started writing letters to my grandmother and my friends at other schools. I sometimes just write notes to friends here with me, just for fun. But one of my favorite letter-related activities is writing letters responding to the requests on MoreLoveLetters.com.

Every two weeks, a few new requests are posted on the website--people of all ages and backgrounds who for whatever reason, need encouragement. They might be recently widowed elderly women or young teenagers dealing with struggles of growing up. But wherever they are in their lives, they could use a little extra encouragement, in the form of a letter from a stranger.

This month, in honor of the holiday season, MLL has been hosting a campaign called 12 Days of Letter Writing. Instead of every two weeks, there is a new request up every single day of someone who really needs that extra support during the Christmas season. I encourage you to read through the requests and choose one (or more!) that resonates with you and take five minutes to send that person a card or a letter. It doesn't have to be fancy--notebook paper is fine!

I chose to write a letter to Vincent, the recipient from Day 1 (though you can still go back at write him!). You can go read his story a little more on the requests page, but in short, Vincent recently lost his wife to postpartum depression, just a short time after the birth of their first child. This year is Vincent's first Christmas without his wife, raising a child on his own. 

I could honestly go on and on about why you should join in on this campaign, but I think you probably understand why this is such an important thing. Lately, I've been trying to focus on giving my attention and my care to other people, even more than gifts or money, this holiday season. I hope you'll do the same.

Let me know if you end up writing a letter to one of the requests or if you have any questions about More Love Letters!

How I'm Choosing to Reframe My Failures

In the past, I never would have called myself a perfectionist. Especially in high school, I was pretty successful, quite honestly, in most of the things I did. As a result, I never had to worry or stress out about messing something up. I'm not sure when exactly that changed, when I stopped forgiving myself for getting a B or taking a lazy day. But I did, and it's changed the way I treat myself.

Sometimes, we need to be real with ourselves about our failures. We can't ignore our mistakes. But at the same time, if we dwell on our mistakes so long that we don't let ourselves fix them...we're only hurting ourselves more. That's what I've been doing lately. I've been beating myself up for anything less than perfection so much that I don't have the energy left to pick myself back up and keep going.

I know some of you probably understand this feeling--especially in finals week, when emotions run high and the threat of failure is sitting in the back of our brain just reminding us that it's a possibility. With all that fear of failure, it's easy to feel like any mistake or flaw is the one that will end it all and make it impossible for us to get back on our path of success. You feel me on this? Like if I spend an hour watching TV when I should be studying, then all of a sudden, I'm telling myself that I'm not a discliplined person, that I'm not going to do well, that I don't have what it takes to have success in life.

That's just not true, none of it.

There are a few things that I've been telling myself instead.

I heard an analogy on Gretchen Ruben's podcast "Happier". On it, she (or someone else, I can't remember) compared our own failures to a chef trying out a new recipe. If a chef, even the most skilled chef in the world, wants to try a new dish, chances are, he or she will try it many times. Cooking it different ways. Trying new ingredients. Plating it differently each time. Every time the chef starts again, they are nixing the last dish they made. But...we wouldn't call that a failure, would we? Because it's a necessary and natural step of the path to making a delicious, new dish.

And it's really the same for us. If we reframe the way we look at our mistakes and failures, we can keep them from stopping us. This is my goal now. Instead of my own mental mistreatment, I try to turn things around and even if I don't believe them at first, repeating these things until I do take them as truth.

Failing means I challenged myself.

Failing means I attempted something above mediocre.

Failure gives me a chance to pick myself up and try again, doing a little better each time.

Failure doesn't not mean I won't succeed in the future.

Failure is teaching me humility and perseverance.

Failure is building a more resilient spirit inside me.

Failure makes the victories all the more triumphant.

Every time I go through this list, a different phrase will resonate with me, and it's probably the same for you. I've been writing them down on a physical piece of paper and posting them right above my desk, because those failures will inevitable continue to come.

How do you deal with feeling like you've failed yourself?

Self-Care Solutions

I was just about to start off this post by saying it's been a busy week...but when is it not a busy week, am I right? Maybe it's just this time of year or this time in my life, but there are so many things in my life that I have to do and so many things that I want to do and it all just kind of adds up. 

And when I'm really busy--even when I'm busy with good things--I've learned that I don't take time to deal with my emotions, whether they're positive or negative. I just keep plugging along, getting things done, checking things off. Which is fine...for a little while. But if I keep up that sort of pattern, eventually, every stress or worry or little hurt that I've bottled up comes out and I have a meltdown because I can't connect to the wifi. 

You know what I mean?

But I actually know how to avoid those meltdowns. I do (the problem is that I don't always do it...)! 

SELF-CARE. That's right, spoil yourself a little. In the middle of everything busy and stressful, I absolutely have to take a break and love on myself a little. 

For awhile, I thought that I didn't have time for self-care, that I was just too busy. But over the last few months especially, I've noticed that when I skip out on taking care of myself, I tend to have those meltdowns or work inefficiently or feel tired and I actually lose time in the long run by not taking breaks. Crazy, right?! Here are a few ways that I like to practice self-care. 

COOK A DECENT MEAL / This one is actually two-fold in its benefits. First off, even though I'm not really a natural at it, I do enjoy cooking. It's very satisfying for me to see a meal come together (and then get to eat it!). But also, it does good for my physical wellbeing too. When I cook food from scratch, I'm so much more likely to make healthy food that I enjoy instead of something unhealthy but convenient. And when I eat healthy food, I feel happy with my choice and I feel physically better in the long run. 

TAKE A NAP / We all know this one, but you have to be careful to do it the right way. Really, a nap longer than twenty or thirty minutes may be doing you more harm than good, especially if it makes you stay up later and messes up your sleep schedule. But on some days, you just need to reboot your day and pretend to start from scratch. On those days, I'll get in bed, put a sleep mask and rain sounds on and set my alarm for 15-25 minutes. It usually refreshes me pretty well + I don't feel groggy!

SPEND TIME WITH A FRIEND / Says the introvert! Well, one on one at least. When I need a break, I might venture out into the living room and find one of my roommates and have a little chat, or I might call H and see how his day is going. To some extent, we can totally care for ourselves by caring about other people.

SPEND TIME IN THE SCRIPTURES / This is definitely something I've been struggling with. But I know that when I make Scripture a priority, I'm that much more prepared to love on myself all day, as well as everyone around me. Scripture is valuable for so many reasons, but one is that it always reminds me of my own value in God's eyes.

DO SOMETHING LAZY / This isn't always the best option as sometimes less lazy options of hobbies (like exercise or doing a fun activity) can be more fulfilling even if they require a little effort. But sometimes, you just need to take a long bath or watch some Netflix or noodle the internet. I think it's really important to consider what sounds the absolute best to you at a given time, not just what sounds the easiest. 

What do you do to take care of yourself?

Linking up with In Its Time.

Grateful Heart

Grateful Heart was a series that I started nearly a year ago...and then promptly forgot about it! My goal is to bring it back on a monthly-ish basis. The goal of this series is to take time to consciously + publicly acknowledge all the crazy blessings in my life that I might otherwise overlook. Feel free to join me!

The last few weeks have been hard, especially being sick. It's been about two weeks now since I got sick and I still don't totally feel back to 100%. Because of that, I've missed some classes, I've been hoooorribly unproductive (which is the WORST feeling ever for me) and as a result of that, been very frustrated and unkind to myself. It's been kind of an icky cycle. But these are the times that I know it's so good to reframe my perspective and remind myself of all the good things in my life.

+H visiting me a few weeks ago was so nice. I know this might not count because it was a few weeks ago, but whatever, I'm still grateful for it. He was with me for like five whole days, which is a longer stretch than we've seen each other pretty much since May. Long-distance is hard--more because I forget how much I love him and it's easier to slide into apathy than keep that love alive, so any time in person together is just wonderful.

+ I'm auditioning for a new format of fitness classes + I'm very excited! I've only been to a few step aerobics classes due to the times they're available so it's really a long shot that I'll be hired to teach it, but for now, it's been a fun project to keep me exercising and busy. But, side note, if you've never been to step class or think it's just for menopausal women, you're so wrong. It's really quite entertaining, I think + actually has some really complex patterns that are fun to learn.

+ My health when I have it. Health is definitely one of those things that is soooo easy to take for granted. Literally every time I get sick, I'll be lying in bed, not being able to breathe out of at least one of my nostrils and I'll be wondering how I ever went a day without thanking God for letting me breathe through my nose. Seriously. 

+ My big! A few weeks ago in my sorority, we had big/little reveal and I found out who my big sister is! In all honesty, she was exactly who I hoped would be my big, but I didn't think that I had gotten her, so I was thrilled! She has such a kind and caring heart and I can't wait to spend more time with her. 

What are you grateful for these days? 

How to Make Your Twitter Feed a Source of Positivity

Over the last year or two, I've really wanted to pare down on my social media usage. For myself personally, I really only use Facebook and Pinterest--and even with Facebook, I don't enjoy using it, I just feel like I can't get rid of it since it's used so much in college for group pages and events.

But for this blog, especially over the last six months, I've really really used social media sparingly. I shut down the facebook for this blog, because I hated it. I stopped scheduling tweets, because I hated it (do we see a pattern here?). And I even stopped reading twitter very often because I was just tired of reading the same old "click my link here!" and sassy complaints and political rants. 

But I'm trying to remind myself that it doesn't have to be that way. If I don't like my twitter feed, I can change it. Crazy idea, right? So today, I wanted to share a few ways that I'm doing that in case any of you want to join me in my journey to make social media a little more human and a little more happy. 

#1 Set an example in your own tweets.

Take a moment and think about the kinds of words you would like to see on Twitter. Kind, honest, genuine words. Self-promotion that (when necessary) feels real, not rehearsed and scheduled. Now, take a moment and reconsider how you tweet. Do you complain on twitter when something goes wrong in your life? (I do.) Do you rant when something isn't working? (Guilty.) By staying kind and positive towards other people on social media, we're teaching people how we should be treated as well.

#2 Unfollow any account that makes you feel any less than stellar. 

Do I need to elaborate on this? If someone is constantly complaining, putting other people down, bashing other people/opinions/views/personalities/etc, UNFOLLOW THEM. Their attitude is not worth listening to. 

#3 Follow accounts that add to a positive mindset.

On the flip side of number two, consciously seek out the accounts and the people that lift you up and help you keep an optimistic attitude. There are tons of "posi" accounts that are super cheesy, but never fail to make me smile! Also consider: your favorite comedian.

A few exerpts from my favorite positive Twitter acounts:

@be_bona_fide

How do you achieve a #grateful 💛 in the midst of heartache? #begrateful #bebonafide #choosehappiness pic.twitter.com/DzlQ1DhcZG

— Be BONA•FIDE (@be_bona_fide) August 18, 2015

@peachy_peachh

health break: go on a light jog outside, drink a tall glass of water, & take a few minutes to rest your mind

— peachy peach (@peachy_peachh) September 2, 2015

@happyasheck

negative thoughts are like that little kid on the playground that picks on u. if u ignore them, they go away.

— rad positivity (@HAPPYASHECK) August 27, 2015

@smileyshrub

this is very very important pic.twitter.com/89Tqtq3Ccn

— Smiley Shrub ☻ (@smileyshrub) July 22, 2015

@fireworkpeople

You are one incredible woman. Thought you should know.

— FIREWORKPEOPLE (@FIREWORKPEOPLE) September 3, 2015

Any others to add? How do you make your Twitter feed more positive?

Learning to Socialize as an Introvert

I've always been an introvert, but it's only been the last few years where I've really felt like being an introvert has kept me from doing all the things I want to do. Especially now that I've been to college and had to make new friends, I'm seeing that. It's one thing to accept that I'm not naturally a super outgoing person and it's another thing to stay home all day because of that.

This was part of the reason that I've decided to rush, this fall, as a sophomore. I was always afraid of going through rush, especially not knowing anyone. But it kinda sucks to be afraid all the time, you know? 

So here we are, with me, three days before rush starts, sitting in my room in my pajamas googling how to survive parties as an extrovert. Thankfully, there are apparently other people out there like me and lots of tips out there. So I've been collecting them + I'm sharing here a few that have been helping me lately.

+ Do not pretend to be an extrovert. Oh thank the Lord. There was no way I was going to do that successfully anyways. This tip was super relieving to hear but also to realize that it's totally true. Tons of people are introverts and they want friends too. I can be myself and still socialize with other people, especially since they might be just like me.

+ Focus on your strengths. While I may not be the chattiest gal around, I'm happy to listen to other people and ask prodding questions here and there to keep them going. My strategy is to try my best to ask really open-ended questions and show people that I'm interested.

+ Give yourself breaks, but like without spending the whole night in the ladies' room. But spending a few minutes alone here and there to take some deep-lung breaths can only help (as long as you get back out there!). This is not an excuse to drop off the face of the earth.

+ Consciously recharge afterwards. Sadly, Netflix doesn't usually count. It might be meditating or reading or going for a run or praying, but something that helps you deeeeeply relax.

If you're an introvert, how do you successfully socialize and spend time with others? Also, pray for me this week. It's a LOT of social time.

The Importance of Hearing People's Stories

 

I am not a good listener. 

I admit that. It's definitely one of my weaknesses. Someone can be telling me their deep thoughts and I'll be thinking about what I want for lunch. It's bad, I know. 

A lot of times, I don't even realize what I'm missing out on. I assume everyone is just like me and that no one has anything new to say. But we all know that's not true. 

This past week, I've been working on training some new staff members so that the shop isn't short-staffed when I leave later this week. And I really did not want to do that. I have spent years figuring out how to do my job well and though it's crazy hard sometimes, I love my job. I'm good at it. I don't like feeling like my years of experience can be condensed into a few short training sessions with new staff members.

Unfortunately, I probably let that attitude show a little bit. I tried to hide it, but these two new ladies might have seen right through me. I didn't want them there. 

But then last night, I spent some time talking with one of the new ladies. She's older. She's well-educated. So why is she taking a temporary job at an ice cream shop? As it turns out, this woman has had a roller coaster of a few years. She spent her whole life in a certain group of people and a few years ago, realized that everything she had based her life on was wrong. But she courageously cut ties with those people...and lost everything in the process. 

Her story is not mine to tell, but I more want to share how hearing her story affected me. I realized that (of course!), she was not at the shop to make more work for me or undermine my work. Of course. She was only trying to make ends meet. 

By hearing her story, I was able to break outside my selfish little bubble and have new compassion for people in my life. Her story gave me so much hope and inspired me to live as courageously as she is, following what I know to be true even if it costs me everything I have. 

Have you ever had a time when hearing someone's story made you treat them differently? Made you different? 

Long-Distance Love: Prompts for Writing Letters

In case you've noticed by brief absence this last week, I've been offline more than usual since my boyfriend H came to visit me in Michigan from where we both live in North Carolina. As a little bit of background, H and I started dating in high school (our sophomore year) after he spent months annoying me in French class. But after high school, he stayed to go to school in NC while I moved to Florida, spending my summers traveling or in Michigan.

So obviously, we don't see each other too often. A few times during the school year. Christmas. The month of May. That's pretty much it.

Sometimes it's hard. It's really really hard. I'm a naturally terrible communicator and that doesn't make LDRs easy. But over the years, we've found ways of making it work. One of which is letter-writing. We both love getting special little token gifts, and letters fill that for us. It's old-fashioned and sort of silly, but it's so exciting to open the mailbox and get something from hundreds of miles away.

But sometimes, it's hard to know what to write about. We already text all the time and talk on the phone and FaceTime, so it's not as if we don't know what's going on in each other's lives. Going off that, I've been coming up with a list of prompts to use for writing letters to a long-distance love--or even family or friends if you tweak them a little.

1. Recall a fun or happy memory in as much detail as possible. Don't forget that little moments can be some of the best memories.
2. Share a dream for the future.
3. Tell your SO about something you saw or experienced recently that made you think of them. 
4. Reminisce on your first date or the first time you met.
5. List a few quirks about your SO that you love or funny mannerisms that you miss. 
6. Plan a date for the next time you're together.
7. Write an acrostic poem using their name as the lines.
8. Send an old-school selfie. Take a picture of yourself and print it out and mail it!
9. If you both speak another language, write a short letter in that language and make them work a little to read about how much you love them.
10. Talk about a vacation you would like to take or a destination to visit with them.
11. List a few ways your SO makes you proud.
12. Tell your SO about where you live if they've never visited.
13. Send a list of songs as an old-fashioned mixtape! If you're really ambitious, you could mail a CD or usb drive with songs on it or just a url to a playlist online.
14. Draw them a doodle.
15. List a few things your SO does for you that you appreciate.
16. Recall a childhood memory or story they may not have heard before.
17. Describe your SO using only three words and explain why you chose those words.
18. Make a list of things you need your SO for (i.e. I need H to help me get things off the top shelf at the grocery store.)
19. Write a silly haiku. (Remember--it's three lines with five, seven, and five syllables, respectively.)
20. Write as many reasons as you can why you love them.

Have any others to add? Are you a letter-writer?

4 Things I Learned From Two Weeks Without a Laptop

A few weeks ago, I unintentionally went two weeks without using a computer. Two. Whole. Weeks. And then I did it again, without even really trying!

I'm really still in awe of myself.

I love my computer. I always have. When I was eight or nine and my family had first gotten a computer, I remember my parents limited my computer time to maybe fifteen minutes a day. But as soon as my parents left me alone, I'd always run to the computer to get a little more time in (sorry Mom!) to go feed my Neopets or play Zoo Tycoon or whatever it is eight-year-olds do on the computer. 

I've just always been amazed by the internet and just how freaking much there is out there. From my Zoo Tycoon-playing days until now, I've never been the type to voluntarily give up my computer. So I think you might now understand just how amazing it is that I went two weeks without my computer without even really trying. 

Really, it was a weird experience. Here are a few things I took away:

1. We aren't really as reliant on some technology as we think. I thought I would just die to be without Netflix on a big screen (compared to my phone) and without updating my music and whatnot. But (surprise!) I was just fine. I suppose, we all knew that all along, but it's funny how we can convince ourselves that we need things.

2. While technology isn't bad, it can be cheap replacement for real relationships and fun. I'm sure it's no surprise that it was rewarding to spend a little more time with my boyfriend H and with family, but I was more surprised that I actually ended up having more fun. In the past, whenever I've had free time, my go to "fun" pastime was watching Netflix or noodling around on the Internet. 

You know what else is just as fun, or dare I say...more fun? Reading. Jogging. Organizing. Trying weird makeup looks on yourself. Cooking. 

I tend not to do these things because they're the species of fun that's a little more effort, but they really are more satisfying in the end than just mindlessly lounging in front of some Law and Order.

3. Social media really doesn't make you happier. Duh, I know. But there really is something to be said about the way social media makes us compare ourselves to others and worry about things that don't matter. Even though I had been having a great time with friends and family, as soon as I started checking social media more often (though I had been somewhat through my phone) those compare-y thoughts wiggled back into my brain and it seemed like everyone else was having a better summer than me already.

4. Reading the newspaper is just better than reading the news online. It just is. 

Also: doing sudokus is a whole new level of nerdy fun.

What do you think? Could you go without your computer? 

5 Steps to Your Best Morning Ever

Get to bed early enough the night before! The best mornings start the night before. Try to plan for at least seven hours of sleep per night and plan your bedtime accordingly. I turn off all electronics 30 minutes before I want to be asleep just to allow plenty of time to get relaxed.

Practice getting up with your alarm. I'm reeeeally bad about pressing snooze three or four times before I actually get out of bed which probably annoys my roommate to no end (sorryyy Liv). But I've noticed that if I hop out of bed on the first buzz, I have more energy and motivation for the next couple hours. It definitely takes practice--I know I'm working on it myself!

Eat a healthy, rounded breakfast. Most importantly in my opinion, try to eat a good serving of protein in the form of lean sausage or peanut butter or greek yogurt. 

Do something difficult. This one's kind of crazy, but I'm serious! Researchers at the University of Nottingham found that our willpower is greatest in the morning. Think about what you could accomplish if you put that to good use! 

Start your morning with some stretches! I enjoy doing a couple yoga-inspired stretches in the morning to get my muscles warmed up for a long day. Keep reading for my 10-minute yoga routine to kickstart your day!

First off, make sure you have a high-quality mat. I absolutely love this beautiful mat from Optimistic Elephant. It's super high-quality and really thick. This is really helpful if you ever have wrist pain doing yoga, like I do. Plus, the beautiful design makes me happy and that's always helpful in making my morning better.

1. Start standing with your feet hip-width apart and reach above your head, leaning back.

2. Swoop forward and hold opposite elbows allowing your jaw to slack and your head to hang.

3. Walk your hands out to a plank position, keeping your body as straight as possible.

4. Keeping your elbows as close to your sides as you can, bend at the elbows and come down to the ground, or hover if you can to complete the chaturanga.

5. Swing your body forward into a cobra or upward facing dog pose, with your thighs on or off the ground, looking to the sky.

6. Come back into plank and slide back into child's pose. Feel free to bring arms around to your feet.

7. From plank, lift your hips into the air and come into downward dog, bending the legs one at a time for a stretch. Complete poses 3-7 as many times through as you'd like, flowing through at your own pace.

8. From down dog, lift on leg into the air, keeping a straight line through the body and hips in line.

9. Pull that leg forward and into your chest for a lunge.

10. Step forward with the other leg and stand straight.

Do you practice yoga? What does your morning routine look like?

This post was brought to you by Optimistic Elephant, an etsy store full of inspiring yoga mats and accessories. All opinions are my own. Thank you for supporting brands that support Call Me Sassafras!

It's Not Bad to Be Busy

I feel like it's become very trendy for bloggers or writers to write on and on about how we need to stop glorifying "busy" and how we would enjoy our lives if we weren't constantly doing so much. But you know what? I think that's crap. So now I'm going to rant about it. 

I'm convinced that it's not "busy" that is at fault for dissatisfaction and empty living; it's screwed up priorities. In a typical day, I go to class, I exercise, I go to church or spend time reading my Bible. I meet up with friends. I study. I go to club meetings or sports events. I go to work. I blog. I'm busy, that's for sure. But that doesn't keep me from doing what I want to do with my life. I always have time to do what I really want to do and you do too. 

Of course, sometimes I have to do things that I don't feel like doing and those things take up my time. We all have to work in some form of another and we're not all lucky enough to have jobs that we love. But in that case, wouldn't adding something extra to our plates be a good thing, if it is something we enjoy? I could just do the bare minimum--study, go to class, go to work. I wouldn't be busy, but I know I wouldn't be as happy.

So what's really wrong with being busy? A lot of times, I'm not home between when I leave for my first class around 7:30 and when I come back at night. And that's for someone who is always within a couple blocks of where they live! Maybe I have a different perspective as a college student, not someone who's working full-time. But I can't help but thinking that the same principle should apply all-around. If you're busy and you're unhappy, you're busy with the wrong things. 

It doesn't make sense to me why people try to convince busy people that they need to stop being busy in order to be happy, when they very well might already be!

Instead of glorifying busyness, let's start praising when people have built happy lives, in their own way. 

What do you think? Don't forget to take my one question survey, please and thank you! 

Affirmation #1

Here's a new idea for a series that I had, revolving around mantras and positive affirmations and some short thoughts on them. I'm experimenting with some new content for blog posts...let me know what you think!

TODAY'S AFFIRMATION:

I am already successful and I will continue to be.

This week, I've been preparing for a big exam in chemistry, a class that doesn't come very naturally to me. I've been working hard and doing well but after a lower grade on a quiz, my confidence in my chemistry skills was shattered. I was convinced that I would never get the grade I needed on this exam and that I should just give up. 

But for some reason, I was able to convince myself that positivity was a better approach. I took a short break from studying and meditated for not even fifteen minutes, using this affirmation, repeating it to myself. (P.S. Meditation tip: I love this background music.) 

Afterwards, I reminded myself that I had succeeded in the class early on and that my hard work and determination when I wasn't confident in myself were success enough and will continue to bring me more success. It might be in the form of an A...it might be in the form of knowledge that I tried my hardest.

Do you ever meditate or use affirmations? How do you remind yourself of your successes?

10 Activities to Do By Yourself

I've always liked being by myself--I'm a textbook introvert. I love being with friends but I loooveee soaking in some good Allie time. I've always been like that. When I was younger, growing up in Minnesota, I spent most of my days playing in the forest where we lived--cutting down small trees to build forts or teepees or collecting leaves to press. I never realized it so much at the time, but I really liked the alone time as much as I liked being outdoors.

Last week, I was alone at my house for spring break. None of my friends were in town for the week so literally, I was alone. After a day or so, it felt surprisingly uncomfortable. It felt weird not even having the option of being with a friend. 

To combat this weird lonely feeling and get back to that Allie time that I love, I made a list of activities that are super fun to do by yourself.

• Learn a new hobby or practice an old one. I practiced lots of calligraphy and hand-lettering this weekend!
• Visit a tourist attraction in your town.
• Go to the library or a bookstore and peruse books.
• Play around with your makeup! There's no one to stumble in and be weirded out by your attempt at a smokey eye that makes you look more like a human raccoon.
• Drive somewhere in town, and just walk, observing where you are.
• Exercise, in whatever way you like! (I may or may not have danced around the house a bit...)
• Treat yourself to lunch at a nice restaurant! Bring a book or something to do so you're not just on your phone.
• Have a spa day, either at home or out at a spa. Treat yo self. I like doing those little face mask packets because it's always awkward to have to talk to roommates or family with blue gunk all over your face.
• Go thrifting or to a consignment shop.
• And of course, binge-watch Netflix. It's okay. I give you permission just this once.

What do you like to do by yourself?

Can You Choose to Be Confident? (Yes! Here's How.)

For the longest time, I thought confidence was just something that happened naturally when you were good at things or pretty or well-liked. I thought it was a feeling that sometimes you had, and sometimes you didn't, and that's all there is to it.

The older I get, the more I am starting to think that yes, confidence comes naturally sometimes, and other times it just doesn't...but that maybe we can choose to be confident. I read something the other day that said that our confidence is also our "self-efficacy" which is just a fancy sounding phrase for how strongly we believe we are capable of achieving things--whether that's in work, relationships or anything else.

Choosing to be confident isn't just telling ourselves to buck up every morning and be self-assured. But there are certain things in our life that affect our confidence. According to this article, there are four different places that we get our confidence. The first one is one that we can't control--it's how often other people tell us that we are succeeding. But the other three, we totally can control:

1. "Developing mastery experiences"--which means experience working hard at things and seeing a good result.

2. "Vicarious experiences"--this is when we see other 'normal' people like us succeeding at things.

3. "Emotional status"--how well we manage negative self-talk, stress, etc.

According to this article, we can seriously change these three things and our life--and so we can change how confident we are. I'm not sold on it for sure, but I think it's such an interesting concept that we may be able to choose to be more confident people.

What do you think?

How and Why I'm Taking a Netflix Fast

In my February Goals post, a couple of you noticed and commented on my goal to take a 3-day TV fast + I thought I'd post a little bit about the thoughts that led up to this and how I plan to do it. 

I've never watched a lot of TV or movies. My parents are pretty conservative so I tended to opt out of movie nights or going to the movie theater. I maybe watched an hour of TV every few weeks growing up, if that. But a few years ago....Netflix happened. I'm sure y'all understand--it's a totally different story when you can pick a show and watch it (and as many following episodes as you want) without having to worry about TV schedules or anything like that. 

I really like TV these days. More or less, I think it's harmless. I try not to watch anything too explicit or gory and started watching an episode or two before bed and then another over lunch and then another in the afternoon when I got bored of working and all of a sudden I realized I was easily watching two or three hours of TV a day, or more.

My goal with this is just to "reset" my TV watching habits a little bit. Here's my plan:

1. The fast will go on for three days. This isn't very long, I know, but it's a place to start. 
2. I will not watch any Netflix during these three days. (I say only Netflix because I don't have a TV.)
3. Instead of watching Netflix, I will do something productive--schoolwork, cleaning, exercising.
4. Short videos (like you see on Facebook, under 2-3 minutes or when I'm looking for music for my kickboxing class) are fine.

After the fast, I'll check back in and let you know how it went! Have you ever intentionally taken a fast from any sort of technology? Any tips for me?

Celebrate Random Acts of Kindness Week

I'm not always the best at being kind to people, especially strangers, but it's something I really, really believe in working towards. There's a quote that I've always loved: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" (generally attributed to Ian Maclaren). I know there have been so many times where I've been having a really tough day or week or month and one person's kindness can pick me up and be a shining bright spot in that day. Sometimes, being that spot of sunshine only takes a minute or two of our time. Why don't we look for more ways to be kind then?

This week, the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation is hosting an entire week dedicated to encouraging simple, selfless kindness. But aside from helping others, being kind is good for you. It's shown that being kind to others reduces the effects of anxiety and depression, enhances overall wellbeing, increases energy and even reduces blood pressure. How cool is that?!

Even better, being kind to others tends to start a sequence of people being thoughtful and respectful to each other. Your single act of kindness seriously starts a chain reaction towards a happier world. Here are 10 ideas from the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation on how you can make a difference this week (and come on guys, every week).

The website has lots more ideas for ways you can be kind to others at home, at work, at school and even on a college campus (yeah!) and ways to be kinder to yourself.

How will you be kinder today--to yourself, to friends, to strangers?!

How to Spend More Time Reading

I've always been a pretty big reader. You know, when I was eight or nine, I was that kid who checked out a stack of books from the library so big that I had to use my chin to help me hold the stack. Yeah. But over the last couple years, and especially over the last semester, somehow I've just...stopped. Like totally. 

I think I went four months without reading for fun at all. That's scary to me. I love to read and I seriously believe that I'm a much more intelligent person for it. So over Christmas break, I was reading quite a bit and decided I wanted to change and make reading a priority.

But I'm busy. We're all so busy. It's easy for things that are optional to fall to the wayside when deadlines and exams and pressures come. When I made my goal for this year of reading twelve books, I wanted to make sure that I made reading convenient and fun, not just another thing to do. 

1. Always be in the middle of a book. For me, there's something oddly intimidating about starting a new book. So whenever I finish a book, I first of all try to have another book ready and then I do my best to start it as soon as possible or even right away. 

2. Always have a list of books to read. I use Goodreads for this, but you can use a notes app or pen and paper if you want. You're a free woman (or man); you can do whatever you want. But I always like having a couple books I'm excited about reading so that period of "Ughh, what do I read now?" doesn't set in. 

3. Always have reading material with you. If you read on a Kindle or Nook, that's easy enough to stick in a purse--so are small novels. Maybe toss a book in the car so you always have it in case you have an unexpected delay somewhere. And I'm not a fan of this next option, but you can also read books through the Kindle or Nook app on your phone (including free samples on every book!), but that just gets a little too small to read for long. 

4. Explore other formats. Think about the way you learn best in school. If you're an audio learner, you might enjoy listening to audio books while you exercise or drive. 

5. Read at the same time everyday. I'm specifically trying to make a habit of reading for 20-30 minutes every night before I go to bed. It's great for calming my brain (unless I'm reading true crime!!) and it helps me to set aside that time specifically for reading.

6. Keep a reading log. Like I said in #2, you can do this in whatever form you choose. I like using Goodreads because I can also save a rating or review along with the book once I'm finished. Then, if anyone ever asks for reading recommendations, I can easily flip through books I've read and rated highly to remind me.

7. Be familiar with your public library. The other day--oh my goodness, I'm so proud of myself--I spent time to look up a couple books I wanted to read, find out which of the seven campus libraries it was at, found the floor and the shelf, figured out how to move them (we have moving bookshelves!) and found my book. I was impressed with myself! Seriously though, libraries aren't usually that complicated, but just knowing the process of how your library works will make you that much more likely to read since you won't have to pay for every book. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read! What are you reading these days? How often do you read?

6 Books I'd Like to Read in 2015

This Christmas season, without school taking up all my time, I decided to read two books. I love to read but I just don't get to much during the school year (which, yes, is a sort of lame excuse). Turns out, I totally failed with this and only read one book. But as I've been looking around for what books to read, I've been updating my to-read list. Here's what I'm thinking for the next few months! Please leave your own suggestions in the comments! :)

1 / Anything That Moves by Dana Goodyear

2 / The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert 

3 / Nowhere But Home by Liza Palmer

4 / We Only Know So Much by Elizabeth Crane

5 / Four Fish by Paul Greenberg

6 / Tigers in Red Weather / Liza Klaussmann

What are you reading these days? What was the best book you've read this year?