On Forgiveness When It Totally Sucks

Recently, I was trying to sell a ticket to one of my school's football games. Students get discounted ticket but I wanted to sell it for more. Tickets were going for six times as much as we paid for them, so I figured if I could get double or triple, I'd be very happy. To me, it would be an excuse for a little shopping trip or a few meals out with friends. 

However, as I was chatting with people trying to find a buyer, I met a girl who didn't like the price that I was hoping for. But she didn't just not like the price. She decided she didn't like me. And she made that very clear to me. She attacked me with her words in all the places it hurt. 

She told me I was selfish.

She told me I wasn't a real Christian. 

She told me I wasn't a kind person.

All things that I regularly worry about myself. I'm human + it's easy to feel like I'll never be good enough. It's hard to have someone confirm those inner doubts to you. 

But then I remembered:

This girl doesn't know me. And I don't know her. She doesn't know what kind of impact her words are having on my heart, but I don't know what kind of an impacted heart those words came from. I can't imagine what kind of sadness and stress someone must be living in to lash out over the price of a football ticket. 

And so I'll pray for her. I don't mean this in a proper Southern lady way where I actually mean that I'll gossip about her to my small group (although I admit, I did vent about the occurrence to some friends). I mean that I'll actually try to love her. 

I don't want to. I want to reply with all of the angry, defensive words that appeared in my brain scarily quickly, like a reflex. 

But I will try. Because if Christ died for me and my sins, the least I can do is forgive a girl who's trying to wade her way through all the hurts in the world just like I am. 

And ticket girl? In case you're reading this...let's get lunch. I'll pay. 

A Popsicle Date!

Confession: I really, really don't like coffee. I don't even want to like it. I think it's totally ridiculous to spend $4 a day on a drink + it scares me to think about relying on something to get me awake in the mornings!

But you know what I do like? Popsicles. 

There's a place near me called Hyppo Pops that sells super fancy popsicles in the coolest flavor. My personal favorite is the mango champagne but I'm also partial to the key lime pie and the orange cream when it's dipped in chocolate. Yummyyyyy. 

Soooo if you and I were to get together and chat about life, we would not go on a coffee date. We'd go on a popsicle date! And here's what I would tell you. 

+ Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the little details I have to take care of. Like about a minute and a half ago, I remembered something that I had to do, and I've already forgotten it again. I have a lot going on in the next few weeks and it's all I can do to do the bare minimum! But I'm working hard to take time to myself and to practice self-care.

+ I wish I had more time to read these days! I reserved a book at the library and didn't even have a chance to go pick it up before the time expired. And a few weeks ago, I took two books out of the library and only made it like five pages into one! How sad is that? I think once things calm down a little bit I'm going to buy a book or two for my nook and practice carrying that around with me just for moments when I'm waiting around. 

+ I've really had a hankering to go camping lately! The weather is just starting to cool down (just a teeny bit) here in Florida and it makes me want to spend allll the days (and nights) outside. If only we didn't have such busy weekends, I know I could rally some friends to make a weekend trip of it. 

+ I've been hearing God's voice so much over the last few months that when over the last week, he's been quiet (or I've been worse at listening--it's more likely the latter), it's been pretty hard to handle. Last night, my sorority had a prayer night and I just didn't even know what to pray for; I've been so overwhelmed by details.

+ On a less serious note, what is with restaurants in college towns giving out free food all the time?! Moe's gave out free queso two weeks ago, a pizza place gave out free pizzas, last night Krispy Kreme was giving out free doughnuts and coffee AND BJ's was giving out free pizookies! I mean, I'm not arguing with it, but I don't know that it's the smartest business decision since college students will literally just go in to take the free stuff and leave.

What would you chat with me about if we went on a popsicle date? Also, equally important question: what kind of popsicle would you have?

A Typical Day in My Life

I've decided that some of my favorite posts to read are those in which a blogger will talk about their daily life, what a normal, super typical day looks like. It's easy to choose to mention only the big events or the exciting news, but I think it's easiest to get to know someone by seeing what they're day looks like. So today, I'm linking up with Brave Love Blog again to share what a typical day in my life looks like. 

7am: I wake up, roll out of bed and get ready for my day. Usually I try to tidy up my room a little bit and pack my bag for the day before making breakfast. I really, really love breakfast so usually I'll make eggs or pancakes with fruit or a mash of bananas and peanut butter and granola. None of my roommates are up at this time so I'll usually just enjoy a leisurely breakfast and check email or bloglovin' or sometimes I'll watch a little TV.

8am: I leave for school. I ride a scooter everywhere (#collegetown) so it takes a little bit longer to get to campus from my apartment. I've learned the hard way that there's no way to get my hair to look good after the combination of wind + helmet hair from riding my scoot!

8:30am-11:30am: I have classes in this block of time everyday. Most days, I have organic chemistry, French, and then public speaking. Sometimes afterwards I'll go out to lunch with a friend but usually I'll go on and head home.

12:15pm: I take a ~20 minute nap here about half the time and that usually gets me ready for the rest of my day! I'll unpack my bag, make lunch (usually this is my big meal of the day and I'll eat leftovers for dinner) and plan out my afternoon.

1:30pm-5pm: Homework, studying, etc. Usually some Netflix in there somewhere because I'm human. I'm on a break from working at the lab right now because I'm waiting on some samples, but usually I'd work this chunk of time a few times a week. 

5pm-9pm: This chunk of time definitely varies depending on the day. Twice a week, I have an evening class (forensics!) and the other nights of the week I might have a pledge meeting for my sorority, a Bible study, or a meeting with my accountability group. It really depends. Usually I eat dinner somewhere in that chunk of time. 

9pm-11pm: If I don't have any big events, I'll usually use this time to study or blog or do my Bible study. This is a little bit more of "my time" so I try to do a little something fun or relaxing if I'm not too jammed for time. After that, I'll usually watch about half an hour of TV or Netflix before going to sleep and doing it all over again!

This is just a usual day--weekends and days that I teach kickboxing or have a sorority event look totally different and totally crazy! But it's all fun, for the most part. What do your days look like?

A Letter-Writing Wishlist

If there's one thing I really love to do in life (and there are many), it's writing letters. It all started when H and I started dating long-distance over the summer, and now over the whole year. 

It started out just being a piece of notebook paper stuck in an envelope, but as we've written more and more letters, I've found how fun it is to pick out the perfect card for someone. Now, I'm trying to learn to decorate envelopes a little more, from writing out the address in a beautiful script to adding vintage stamps.

Today, I'm linking up with the Brave Love Blog and I just wanted to share a little wishlist of mine, specifically for letter writing! Links are below.

better together card / hug you card / cactus stamps / mineral stamps / love mail rubber stamp / you make me happy card / know it all pencils / happy camper card / botanical stamps

Seen any cute cards lately? Any other things you're wishing for these days? Share them!

I Forget How Big I'm Blessed

Well, well, well! Things are looking a little different around here! I'm still working on getting everything totally together, but I'm liking the way things are turning out. I really wanted to make things feel a lot lighter and brighter to reflect the things we talk about here on the blog + I feel like the new colors are helping with that!

But on to my actual post for today, I just want to vent at you for a little. 

I've had my ups and downs in life. More so in the last few years. I know what it's like to feel so sad and so alone and so close to giving up. I know a lot of people can feel me on that one, right? But I've also been so so so blessed by God, especially in the last month. Like crazy blessed (so much so that I'm considering using #blessed. Not quite there yet though.). 

But there's something that's really been irking me lately, and that's when other people don't realize how blessed they are. Of course, I could go into all the cliches about how at least we aren't starving in Africa, but that's not what I mean. I'm talking about all the little things in life that God gives us that we just plain overlook because we're too busy looking at the things that don't matter.

A few days ago, after a really emotional day (and week and month, let's be honest), I was driving home and decided to stop and take a short jog around a pretty area of my campus. As I was finishing up my run, I realized I was near an area of campus where bats spend the day and are known to fly out all in a swarm right after sundown. 

Conveniently, it was almost sundown. I'd always heard cool things about the bats at twilight but hadn't ever seen them, so I figured I would wait and see them. I found a spot, sitting on top of a fence and I watched the sun go down. (Picture below is from my instagram.)

 

And then the bats started flying out of those two houses there. Thousands of them. Now, I know this sounds super nasty, thousands of bats flying all at one time, but it really was beautiful in the same way as a big flock of birds. 

And after such a long day, and really a long series of days that have been beating me down, there was something so therapeutic about seeing a display of something so free. I laughed. Isn't it funny how God gives you just what you need, right when you need it?

But the thing that broke my heart was all the people around me, not noticing this amazing thing going on right above them. As the bats flew all around, people were looking down at their phones, driving home, focused on other things. I just wanted to hop down from the fence, grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and say, "Don't you see what you're missing?"

I am those people most of the time. I'm usually so wrapped up in the deadlines, in the checking-off of boxes that I don't look up. I can't even imagine how many blessings I miss. 

There's a song that I hear a lot on the Christian radio at home called "This is the Stuff. To be honest, I don't even really like the song, but ever since that night with the bats I've had this one line stuck in my head:

"In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed."

8 Things You Might Not Know About Me

1 / I absolutely hate any game that involves acting. Of course, this is on my mind because just the other night, my friends wanted to play fishbowl (a charades-type game--we're fun people) and I just poo-pooed the whole thing and decided to be a terrible sport because I can't act to save my life. It's stressful!

2 / I'm scared of moths. Not really any other bugs though! I mean I don't love spiders and roaches but they don't terrify me like moths do. And before you think I'm crazy, I have totally rational reasons for this in case you ever want to hear some gross stories. 

3 / I could live off cheese. I mean I might have some nutritional deficiencies eventually and die from that, but you know, I'd be perfectly happy with just cheese.

4 / I love online shopping...but I never actually buy things online. I'm always too scared that things will be the wrong size or unflattering or just not what I was expecting. I know, I know, I could always return things, but honestly, I have no idea how to mail packages and that sounds way too adult for me.

5 / New Year's is my favorite holiday. Probably because I LOVE making goals and resolutions all that. And it's just like an extension of all the glitter and festivity of Christmas! Plus champagne and staying up late. 

6 / I love riding on buses because I can fall asleep on them so easily! Not city/school buses so much, but like those nice charter buses that you get on long school trips. But I can't sleep in cars or airplanes very well!

7 / Even though I work at an ice cream store, I prefer sorbet to ice cream. My absolute favorite is the Haagen-Dazs Orchard Peach sorbet, but of course it's not carried in any of the Publixes near me. 

8 / My least favorite part about living in Florida is the HEAT. Whenever I tell people I go to school in Florida, I get some sort of version of "Oh you're so lucky! It's like vacation all the time!" But NO. Where I live is two hours from the nearest beach and the whole town is a literal swamp so it's basically a den of mosquitoes and it's about as humid as Satan's armpit. 

Now tell me more about you!

Learning to Socialize as an Introvert

I've always been an introvert, but it's only been the last few years where I've really felt like being an introvert has kept me from doing all the things I want to do. Especially now that I've been to college and had to make new friends, I'm seeing that. It's one thing to accept that I'm not naturally a super outgoing person and it's another thing to stay home all day because of that.

This was part of the reason that I've decided to rush, this fall, as a sophomore. I was always afraid of going through rush, especially not knowing anyone. But it kinda sucks to be afraid all the time, you know? 

So here we are, with me, three days before rush starts, sitting in my room in my pajamas googling how to survive parties as an extrovert. Thankfully, there are apparently other people out there like me and lots of tips out there. So I've been collecting them + I'm sharing here a few that have been helping me lately.

+ Do not pretend to be an extrovert. Oh thank the Lord. There was no way I was going to do that successfully anyways. This tip was super relieving to hear but also to realize that it's totally true. Tons of people are introverts and they want friends too. I can be myself and still socialize with other people, especially since they might be just like me.

+ Focus on your strengths. While I may not be the chattiest gal around, I'm happy to listen to other people and ask prodding questions here and there to keep them going. My strategy is to try my best to ask really open-ended questions and show people that I'm interested.

+ Give yourself breaks, but like without spending the whole night in the ladies' room. But spending a few minutes alone here and there to take some deep-lung breaths can only help (as long as you get back out there!). This is not an excuse to drop off the face of the earth.

+ Consciously recharge afterwards. Sadly, Netflix doesn't usually count. It might be meditating or reading or going for a run or praying, but something that helps you deeeeeply relax.

If you're an introvert, how do you successfully socialize and spend time with others? Also, pray for me this week. It's a LOT of social time.

Blogging My Way

Well, here we are. It's been nearly two weeks since I've even opened my laptop and powered it on. Two weeks. I don't think I've ever done that before and I've done that now at least twice in the last two months. Everything feels foreign--the way it rests on my lap, remembering typing and trying to put words together in a way that I haven't had to attempt in nearly two months now.

I've missed blogging. But I also...haven't. Blogging is a weird thing. It's a hobby, right? Like jogging or knitting or whatever. But for some reason, with blogging, there are all sorts of irksome, unnecessary expectations. Blogging isn't just writing a post and clicking publish (if only!). Blogging means social media scheduling and 'networking' (ew) and SEO (double ew) and all sorts of things that frankly, I'm not interested in. 

If my main hobby was running, and I loved running, I could just go out and go for a jog and enjoy it. If I don't feel like reading hours worth of online articles about form or buying five hundred dollar shoes or running a marathon, I don't have to. There's nothing keeping me from just...running.

But blogging is an odd beast. It's so all-or-nothing. All I want to do is write posts and read other posts and have people read my own, but it seems like I can't without all these other requirements. 

I'm pretty sick of all the rules that we as bloggers put on ourselves and each others. There is a certain place for analytics and "niches" and things like that, but it's not for every blog, you know? I'm ready to take a little more organic approach, focusing on the community more than the stats.

So I'm back. I'm focusing on making blogging a hobby that fills me up instead of drains me. I want connections, not just comments (but I like comments too ;). I want to build relationships, not just a readership.

P.S. If you're a blogger and you've ever taken a long break like this, you probably know how weird it is to get back in it. Don't hate me if I'm a little inconsistent as I get in this. :)