On Niches (In Blogging and In Life)

I'm a person of many dichotomies.

I love sciences, but I really like design. I like being with people, but I love being alone. 

For a long time, I thought that was something I should change about myself. During the summer, I'd "decide" what kind of person I would be that fall--as if it was that easy. Some years I'd want to be that super sweet girl who everyone loved to be around. Some years I decided I would be the tough girl who didn't care about what anyone thought.

But I would always find out, by the second or third school day, that it just didn't work like that. I can't choose a stock character and make it me. 

More importantly, unlike the stock characters I tried to be when I was younger, I found that I couldn't put myself in a box. I was on the cheerleading squad, but I also played soccer. I was a good student, but I also flunked a test once in awhile. 

Eventually, and especially lately, I've begun to embrace the dichotomies (and sometimes, contradictions) within myself. It's really a beautiful thing to realize the value in loving and embracing your personality with all its quirks, and even FOR its quirks. 

I've begun to love the fact that I don't "fit in a box" and I should add that you should too--because YOU don't fit in a box either. 

Over the last few weeks (and really the whole lifespan of my blog), I've been exploring my blog, the concept of a niche and "categorizing" your blog. Quite similar to the way I feel about myself, I can't put my blog into the metaphorical box. And again, like the way I felt about myself, I thought this way a bad thing, that no one would ever really like my blog if every post I wrote doesn't fit in their little niche of "positivity bloggers" or "design bloggers". 

But I thought to myself, why have I accepted and embraced that fact that my own personality doesn't fit into some stereotype, but I still expect my blog to? 

Though it seems all over the board, 80s music, plant microbiology, black + white design and positivity mantras have one thing in common: they are loved by me. And though the topics of my blog may seem equally random, they are united under the fact that they fit under the umbrella of my passions. 

And as I've thought about my many passions that I've chosen to represent in this blog, I think I've truly stumbled upon one of my biggest passions in this blog. 

I'm passionate about loving myself. Not in an "I believe I'm beautiful" way, though I think that's real truth. I believe that my existence, my interests, my loves, my hates, my quirks, my inconsistencies and dichotomies (and yours, too!) are totally valuable to the world and one of the things that adds to the texture and richness of our lives. And I'm passionate about making sure you know this truth too. When we embrace our weird personalities, we can live bravely and freely. 

That's why when Bloglovin' asks me to categorize my blog, I have no qualms about shamelessly and fearlessly choosing "other".

What I Learned About Confidence From a Middle School Spelling Bee

Hi lovelies! I'm so happy to be back from my little break. Exams are over and the universe lets out a collective sigh of relief (mild hyperbole). Today, I want to share a story from junior high + where I got what I call my quote-manifesto. It's about to get a little serious, a little sappy, a little cliche around here, but this post has gotta happen. If this isn't your deal, no worries, I'll be back with the previously scheduled sass on Wednesday with a post on bioluminescence (oooh, science!). 

So to start out my story, let's just put it out there that middle school is literally the most fragile, insecure, her-snarky-comment-about-my-hair-made-me-cry-for-days sort of stage in our lives. Anything--and I mean anything--can ruin you in middle school, from whatever your mom yelled to you as you got out of the car to what kind of food you brought for lunch.

I was always reasonably well-liked in the "upper middle class" of the junior high social hierarchy. But come sixth grade, I knew my downfall was coming + I knew that it would come in the form of a spelling bee. 

I used to be freakishly good at spelling. Like really good. But more importantly, I thought that made me freakishly bad at being a cool person. I hated being smart, being good at things that other people weren't. 

But because I hate to lose, I found myself in this spelling bee at my school. And I won it. Spelling bee in the county. Won it again. The region. Champion. Then I had states. And it was then that I decided I didn't want to be in the spelling bee anymore. Because who really does spelling bees anyways?

So I tried to quit, but my parents wouldn't let me. They sat me down on our green leather sofa and made me watch a movie--Akeelah and the Bee--about an inner city girl who competes in the National Spelling Bee. In the final moments before the competition, she remembers where she's from and doubts that she belongs there. And at that moment, she reads this quote from Marianne Williamson (bolding mine):

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

That quote is the reason I finished and competed in that spelling bee, even though I lost. But more importantly, that quote has shaped the way I carry myself ever since. You know what? I'm an intelligent person. I am beautiful. I am talented. And I'm capable. 

It's not cocky and it's not silly to believe in your own power. 

Because of that one juvenile movie, I have a manifesto, one that guides so much of what I do. 

What's your quote-manifesto?

P.S. Like when I get serious? Thoughts on being a multipassionate blogger and on honesty/Jerry Springer (yep I'm for real).

It's Hard to Be a Multipassionate Blogger

(Source)

Hey lovebugs! So you know how I've been in this weird in-betweeny space with this blog? Kind of like when you like a guy and he likes you but no one wants to admit it first so you just say awkward icky things for like a month. Anyways, y'all have offered me lots of great thoughts + advice about my struggle between writing about my passions + finding an audience and they have helped me so so much. 

A couple readers have left really really thoughtful comments (which I so appreciate) and one of the commenters (holla Amanda) asked me why I feel like people don't want to read about what I want to write about. And I responded that I feel like I can't put myself and my blog into a niche like 'DIY blogger' or 'mommy blogger'--I want to be a music-design-productivity-science-positivity blogger. I confidently consider myself multipassionate, and that's great! But it's not so great for finding people interested in all the same things as you. 

I'm beginning to embrace that. I understand that you might not follow my blog for the science, but stick around if you enjoy the playlists or the positivity or whatever. And in the end, I'm telling myself that the people who stick around are the people who I really want here anyways. Now I don't mean that to sound mean, but I just want to put it out there. I understand that not everyone will like my blog and that is so okay. It's okay if you want to unfollow me, it really really is.. If we've become friends, please still tweet at me once in awhile but don't waste your time trying to be interested in something that bores you!

So this is just a short post to kind of recap all of the jumbles that are bouncing around in my brain. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. I love reading your thoughts.

(P.S. Someone else appreciate the cool shark picture with me...)

Honest Thoughts on Balance in Blogging

I've been taking a long, careful look at my blog lately. And I have to say: I'm not satisfied. I'm not a huge fan of what my blog has morphed into. My blog has become a constant question of "what can I teach people today," which is all well and good. But I'm running out of things to teach. How can I keep writing posts on productivity when I spend at least half an hour on Pinterest a day and miss deadlines and have a messy bedroom sometimes? I've created this identity for myself as an "expert" in the things I blog about + that's just not fair. I'm not an expert in design, productivity, even music. 

When I first started blogging, it was all about me. I posted pictures of myself, recaps of my weekends, long posts on what I was thinking about or worried about. But no one was reading my blog then. No one cared to read about my conversation with a friend or what was good or terrible about my day. And I get that; I'm not complaining. I don't blame anyone on the internet for not caring about my mundane day-to-days. 

And so I've been teaching, because that's what people like to read. People like to read about how I design or stay productive. But I feel like I've been missing the personality, the genuine Allie-ness that used to emanate from my blog. I feel like I've been acting like someone I'm not, at least not completely. Some part of me truly is a teacher. I like spreading knowledge + getting it from others. But when I found that people preferred reading those kinds of posts, that became all I posted. 

We bloggers love to say that we only blog for ourselves. As if our blogs are our private journals that people just happen to read. But I would be lying if I said that my content doesn't revolve around my stats. If people like a post, you bet I'll post more of it. If people don't...well, it's less of a priority. And although many bloggers may not want to admit this, I love pageviews--and that's not a bad thing. I love knowing that I have people reading the words that I spend hours writing down. I revel in that. But I feel that I worry about my pageviews at the expense of creating a haven of honesty, friendship, and vibrancy in my blog.

I've felt to very out-of-touch with the blogging community as of late. All of my time goes to planning content, drafting posts or editing images. I honestly don't spend time commenting on other blogs, tweeting at my favorite bloggers or collaborating anymore. It's been months since I wrote a guest post. 

But, friends, I want to change. I want to be more genuine and real and (remember my word of the year?!) open. I don't want to have to choose between pageviews and accurately representing myself but it seems I might have to. But the community here in blogging is important enough that I'm going to do just that.

So consider this an announcement of sorts: this will be changing. Much of my blog content will be the same. But much will change. I want to show all of me on the blog--not just my "design, productivity, music, positivity + science," aka my five topics here on CMS. I'll be opening up about what it's like to start transitioning for college + preparing for a four-year long distance relationship. I want to talk about my struggles with anxiety and staying in shape and being the lone introvert in a family of extroverts. I'm going to talk about what I actually do--and not just how I do it faster or more productively. 

I want to breathe life into this blog again. And if it's at the price of pageviews, so be it. 

I really would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please leave me a comment--how often do you blog about personal things? How do you maintain a balance between blogging for stats + blogging for you?